I don't know what I'm feeling. It's like I can't control my actions. I'm just sit outhere watching everything. Watching my life passes, and I can't do anything to change what's happening.
I have someone amazing who loves me, cares about me. But I don't feel the same. I mean, I like him, a lot. But not enough. Even close. I wish I could love him like he loves me, but I can't. So I pretend. Pretend that I love him, and the worst is that he believes. I guess.
He deserves someone who really loves him. He's so good to me, I couldn't hurt him. I can't.
So I keep pretending, or lying. That's the same thing with different words.
I prefer the term: pretending. I could be an actress. I pretend so good. Everybody believes.
I know I'm being fake, and I know that it's wrong, but what can I do? Tell the truth and hurt his feelings? I don't think so.
I swear that I'm trying, I'm always trying. But I can't.
I feel so heartless...
I can't love anyone. My life is a lie.
I wish I could feel something, anything...
I'm so empty. Empty of feelings, emotions.
My life is a big darkness. I see nothing. There's nothing there.
It's like I'm just waiting for something bigger, something wich worths for. Something... or someone.
There's my friend. She loved a guy about 7 months ago, she gaves her virginity to him, she cried and suffered for him, she told me a thousand times that she will try to forget him, but a few days ago, he ask her to date. And she accepted!
Poor girl. I'm sure that he'll break her heart, again, again, again and again. And she'll came to me, crying and asking for help, and I'll say "You deserves better, everything will be ok." But then he'll call her, and she will run for him again. And everything will happen a thousand times and she'll never learn.
I think people in love are so dumb. So happy and stupid.
I already feel it. So that's why I'm saying it.
But thank god it was feelings passenger, and now I'm sure that I'm heartless.
I just know how to break peoples heart. And I even feel sorry for that.
Nobody actually can breaks my heart.
Love is a bullshit.
But I don't want to pretend anymore, and I don't to break his heart. What should I do?
I just want disappear. Start a new life, in a new place, with new peoples. I'm still waiting, and waiting, and waiting.
And I'll keep waiting forever.